I'm awake
but did I ever fall asleep?
My dreams, just stencils of real life
the outlines lay outside anything you know
have seen
ever been a part of.
And does it bother you?

Does it bother you to know
I'm twelve people, none of which you know?
None of which exist anymore, but me
I'm just the stencil of who I used to be.
And does it bother you?

Well, I don't see why it would.
We're twelve people removed
I'm twelve boyfriends behind your current one.
And it doesn't bother me
I'm the one who said it'd be alright.

Moving on, you've moved on
I'm still right here,
like I always am.
Like I've always been.
Like the earth to the stars,
they move away and I grow old.
They live forever
in the memories of the skies.

And I'm alright,
I'll always be.
I'm static and I'm free.
Something you always disliked in me.
But what's not to like,
I've never changed.
I'm still right here.
My mind is the only thing that wanders.

The animal
awakes

he's like a preying
manmade robot of a man
he's the beast within.

He takes, he gives
he lives within me like an artificial heart
beating
ticking as it slows.

What's a boy to do
without his skin
All the parts are fake,
the inside parts
the outside parts
the important parts.

They've all been replaced
by an astronaut's idea
and a dreamer's plan.

But a soul is found
a soul is inherent
a soul is something in between.
A soul is nothing
nothing since you.

The man is stripped of dignity
the man is made to feel his pain.
Another quiet night again.
Only the beast remains.

Your boyfriend, he doesn't seem to like me
Is it because of our make-believe imagining?
That you are free, that I am me
and everything about it is perfect and pretty?
I doubt that, I can't follow it through
because everything I am just reminds me of you.
Its this self-loathing, self-masturbatory self-loathing
the one where I'm important
and you are listening.
Four years, four days
I've waited for you.
Is it too late for me to be true?
Because everything I am, its reflected in you.
You know its true, and you don't know what to do.
I catch your eyes from across the room.
You push me away and then you pull me to your womb
our garden, our garden's in bloom.
cherries, tomatoes couldn't ignite this gloom.
And boom! You're all about the bed.
Passing it off like its all in my head.

That's fine. I'll except that I'm nuts.
I've heard that from boys and I feel it in my guts.
It doesn't hurt, like it did before.
I still want more and I can't wait for what's in store
for me
for everything that's worth.
Even if its nothing, then I guess I'm just cursed.
But I'm fine.
I'm doing alright.
I'll just move along like I do every night.
Just wait for me, and I'll wait for you.
We'll see what's at the end of this dark, so true.